moving is making me unstable

4 days and I will be walking through LAX to meet my family, Mike, little Tay and Manda. I can't believe it. I've said it before, but its true.

The past week has been crazy. This move has got me feeling like an unstable person. There are all kinds of emotions going on in my life.

view from Pere Lachaise cemetery

In a given day I feel...

HAPPY to go home and see my friends and family
SAD to leave the friends I've made here

HAPPY to be back to the comforts of home
SAD to leave my little Parisian flat

HAPPY to have had this amazing experience
SAD that it is over

HAPPY to start a new future
SAD that the economy is trying to ruin my life and keep me unemployed forever

HAPPY to know that in-n-out in waiting for me
SAD that i won't be able to have pain chocolat and crepes anytime i want

Its a roller coaster to say the least. I'm trying my best to stay calm and reasonable. Any tips on how not to lose it?

And I can't leave this post without wishing a HUGE HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my amazing father! He is a great reason to be excited to come home. I can't wait to see you Dad! Joyeux Anniversaire!

The list: America.

So, a week from tomorrow I will be boarding my flight to LAX. Weird.

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed with mixed emotions. Of course I'm excited to be home for the holidays and see my friends and family that I have missed so much but ...how do you leave Paris? I haven't figured it out yet.

So, in the spirit of trying to get myself fired up for life back in America. Here is the other part of the list.

Things I am excited for in America.

In-n-Out (its already been established we are going here on the way home from the airport)

Target and being able to get everything I need in one place..instead of ten.

Fish tacos...all mexican food for that matter.

Warmth! Its still 70 and sunny back home. Since I've been living in about 35 degrees everyday I am pretty sure I am going to pass out from heat stroke.

Being able to communicate without a problem. No more charades necessary.

Customer service

A gym membership

The ocean and my rainbow sandals

Pampering..I already have a brow, facial and mani/pedi appointment scheduled.

Visiting San Diego

The possibility of the future

Vacation in Mexico with my family

The new life adventure in Colorado

And of course catching up with everyone from home and spending every minute with this little girl

Happy Thanksgiving from Paris!

This is my first Thanksgiving away from home and probably the only one where I will be able to celebrate with foie gras, French wine, fish and pavlova while teaching my friend from South Africa how to draw her very first "hand" turkey. She needs to know these important life lessons.

I definitely am missing my friends and family back home. Especially when I Facetime with them and they are all together and knowing that even Mike gets to see my family and they get to see his family at the Turkey Trot this morning. It's great to know they are all together but there is a little bit of sadness being away from it.

SO, how do you cope with such a thing? Well, you hop a plane to Madrid to see your best friend. Problemo solved! I need to start packing because I leave tomorrow after work and I am SO insanely excited. I get to see two of my best friends and be a part of this awesome life they have built living in Madrid. I'm also pretty excited just to be in Spain again. (I studied abroad in Barcelona in 2008 and haven't been back til NOW!)

Happy Thanksgiving to all my wonderful American friends and family. I hope you enjoy the day and count your blessing no matter what part of the world you might find yourself in.

Thankful Thoughts Vol.2: Famille

Wow, so much is happening back home today. It is strange feeling so distant from the elections but I'm excited/nervous to see how it unravels today. I'm definitely not one to talk politics (it gets nobody nowhere!) so today I am focusing on something I am very thankful for in addition to the beautiful U.S.of.A.

Family. Famille. Familia.

I love my family, they are what made me who I am today. They inspire me everyday and make me laugh and want to smack them around all at the same time. We are all so different but we are a perfect group and I could never ask for a better, stronger or more fun family to call mine. 

My parents are incredible people. They are high school sweethearts and have been through all kinds of struggles and successes together. They not only raised four kids but built a successful business at the same time. My parents are such an inspiration to be happy, enjoy life, work hard and love. I am so thankful to have such strong and incredible role models and parents. They have blessed me with such an extraordinary life and I am ever grateful for them. 

My brother Brandon is fresh out of college and enjoying the pleasures of his first real office job. What a pleasure! Haha he might be realizing that college was the best years of your life like the rest of us but he is on to big things I know it. I am so lucky to have a close relationship with him. It wasn't always that way but we can grown to become best friends and I can always count on him. My favorite memories with him are probably from our Eurotrip in 2008... Or 2012. Both were way too much fun.

 My brother Ryan is one of a kind. He has a free spirit that I haven't seen in anyone else. He has the biggest heart and even if he tries to act tough (sorry bud) he is a lover at heart. Even when we have our differences Ryan will always be the first to defend our family. He is going to be famous and successful one day with his big, awesome personality. I can always count on him for a good laugh and a great friend.

 Jenna is the baby of the family. She is starting to apply for college which just blows my mind and makes me feel super old. She is beautiful and crazy smart and I can't wait to see what life has in store for her. Already she is a very strong young woman and I'm happy to say she holds strong to her morals and beliefs even when times get tough. You all know how brutal high school can be. She is a feisty little girl so I pity anyone who tries to stop her. I can't wait to watch her grow up and for us to become even closer friends. 

Boomer. Boom dog. Boomer loomer. Stinky butt. He has many names but he is hands down the world's greatest dog. Boomer has been there for us through and through for 14 awesome years. He is one of a kind and I can't begin to explain the intense LOVE our family has for him. All those lunches of ours he ate, brownies and trash cans he chewed up, times he ran away thinking it was a fun little game of tag, and so much more... Those will forever be some of our family's greatest memories. We love you boomer to the moon and back!

 One of the perks of leaving Paris is a short six weeks is that I will get to spend the holidays with my family. I am very thankful for them and their health and happiness.

What are you thankful for today??

Paris Food Truck: Le Camion Qui Fume

As Americans most of us are familiar with the idea of really good food being served from a truck. It is a fairly new idea but it really caught on in America and the companies have done pretty well. In France, this is a completely new, foreign idea. 

Now there are two Americans (Californians to be exact) who are shaking up the food scene here in Paris and they have really begun to win over the Parisians. The two food trucks are Le Camion qui Fume (burgers and fries) and the Cantine California (burgers, tacos (!!) and cupcakes)

Last week I waited in line in the FREEZING cold (lets talk waiting 40 minutes in 35 degrees and windy) to try Le Camion Qui Fume for the first time. It was worth the wait. This is only the second burger I'v had since I've been in Paris but it tasted like home. It might be even better than burgers you find in the US. 

With incredibly fresh French ingredients, the meat, cheese and even the freshly baked brioche bun all come together for a mouth watering taste of America and guess what? The French are loving it! 

Please forgive me for the terrible iPhone photos. I could barely get the courage to take my hands out of my gloves to snap the picture at all! 

To find their schedule check their website or follow them on twitter. Next up is the Cantine California. Check out this video about them in the NY Times!

Do you love food trucks? Have you tried any in your city??

 oh so attractive, we are.

Where were you?

I was 13 years old and late for first period at my new high school running around in panic at the thought of getting my first detention and brushing off my dad when he yelled for me to sit down and watch what was happening on the television. I didn't understand it and just wanted to get going to school.

When I got to class that morning we just all sat and watched the coverage. In every single class that day, and that week, all we did was watch the television. I still was too young to really wrap my head around it but I knew it was bad and that people died. Innocent, American men, women and children.

Now that I am able to really understand what went on that day, my heart aches. It breaks my heart thinking of the unbelievable fear that our people felt that morning and all the people who lost their lives, gave up their lives trying to save other people and the families who are now missing a loved one. I will never understand how there can be such evil in this world. I hope that everyone takes a moment today to remember how you felt that morning and to remember what life is really about. What really matters when life is stripped down.

Remembering all the beautiful people who were lost and injured on that day, all the heros who fought to save them, the families who lost a loved one, and the troops who continue to protect us. I am so proud to be an American and be blessed to call such a strong, resilient, beautiful and loving place my home. May God Bless America.

 never forget.

When I think about home...

I think of San Diego. Even though I grew up and spent 17 years of my life in Orange County, California I really identify more with that beautiful city down south. I moved there to go to college (aka: best four years of your life) in 2005 and fell in love.

It is big, beautiful, casual, sunny, happy, free, new, old, exciting, relaxing..everything you could ever want. I have not found a city that I feel such a strong connection with as I do with Sdeezey. I have found myself really reminiscing about life in SD lately. I can actually feel my body longing for it. I think I'm just looking for some comfort and familiarity, maybe? I hope that one day I will be able to build my life there, we will see! Until then, I will be visiting it as much as possible when I am back in the US.

A friend of mine posted this on facebook this morning and I thought it was a great video and it made me miss this city even more! It really captures the energy and beauty of San Diego and shows you some hidden gems like one of my favorite parks - Kate Sessions. Click here to check out the world's finest city in hyper-speed! It's a beautiful video, worth the click, promise!


A quick little skip down memory lane? Okay, if you insist! ;)

It's America!

Of course, I couldn't let this day pass without a post on how much I love my country. Obviously, I live in France and I love it here too but America (mainly, California) will always have my heart and be my true home. When you really take a moment to think about it (you Americans), we are so blessed to call such an incredible place home. We have freedoms and opportunities that not everyone gets to have. We can achieve dreams, you can be anything or anyone you want to be, we are accepting of all cultures and people because thats who we are! Of course, we aren't perfect but I would not want to call any other place my home. I hope you all have a happy and safe 4th of July (if you are celebrating!) and remember all the people who have and continued to risk and sacrifice their lives to secure our freedoms. Thank you to our troops and their families.

Now, go have a juicy burger and a few beers for me! Here is one of my favorite songs about America. Have a listen, why don't you? (disclaimer: it is country music, so if you are a hater....well, you've been warned).

Got to get my fix

American fix.

After almost 3 months in a foreign country you really begin to realize what you love about your home. Mainly, the food.

I never realized how much mexican food I ate until it disappeared from my life. I have never craved chips and guacamole more in my life! Its a tough separation. So tough that my dad even sent over chips, salsa and 2 Pacifico beers in the mail from California! Can you say "best dad ever"?

So, I have gone on the hunt. I love French food but sometimes you just got to have something else. The verdict on the "mexican" food here...make it yourself! But the bagel....oh the glorious bagel! It was pure bliss. If only I could afford a 10 euro bagel every week, that would be the life. Maybe I should start a bagel fund?

I am also proud to announce that I am American-izing my Australian friend Isabelle. So far, she has had her first bagel, ceviche, reese's peanut butter cup, peanut butter m&ms, and up next: peeps! I have a feeling one day soon she is going to challenge me with vegemite and I am going to have to run away and hide.

What foods do you miss when you are away from home?

The best thing: the name of the bagel I ordered was the San Diego! Ah, it was meant to be great! 

Candelaria was actually pretty descent, the best I have had yet! (I've been to three Mexican places!)

Mexi & Co...good for a quick chip and salsa fix. I don't usually take my Japanese sticky rice with my burritos though... ;)

A really good burger from Schwartz Deli in the 4eme.

Love life & it will love you back.

There is this thing that happens to you when you move abroad, or at least it happens to me pretty often. You are walking around going about your business, maybe lost in thought, worried about something or tired from a long day and then BAM! You see something - the sun coming over the rooftops, the light from the Eiffel Tower making rounds above the city, a man playing the accordion, the fresh pastries at the corner shop. It feels like what I would expect getting a good B-slap to the face would be like...but in a good way. This "my life is awesome" affect (I coined that name, thank you very much) is never lost on me and I am thankful for it because it seems to come at the times I need it most.

I'm not going to lie, its not all fun and games over here. I miss Mike and Taylor so much it makes my stomach hurt everyday. I miss all my family and my friends back home and I find myself longing for a day in good old Pacific Beach which I still think of as home. So much so that days I am really tired after class I leave thinking that I am going to get in my car and drive back to little apartment D on Oliver Ave, maybe stop in 24 hour fitness for a quick and painful workout...until that whole "B-slap in the face"thing happens and I realize I am on a different continent.

Living in Paris has opened a whole new world for me. I am more motivated than ever and feel particularly inspired more and more each day. I am so happy and relieved by how certain I feel that Paris and this pastry school is where I am meant to be this year. I have only felt that sincere, concrete, no-question-about-it feeling once before in my life - lucky for me he felt the same way.

In the spirit of motivation and dream chasing, I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes with you (via Pinterest, obvi). Maybe they will resonate with you as much as they do with me. Go get 'em, guys. :)